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you won't get to see the tears i cry

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7th January 2005

7:23pm: [ You Say I Only Hear What I Want To ]
I turn the radio on,
I turn the radio up,
And this woman was singin' my song.

I have such a killer headache right now. Roar! Today has actually been okay though, except for this class (psych). We're doing a project and Kristen's not here =( I know what I wanna do, so that's good, but instead of doing it, I'm writing this lol. I'll just do it over the weekend so whatev.

I really need a good cry though. When Mr. Dasey said we were doing a project, I thought I was going to burst into tears right there, just because I was alone. Blah. I can't wait until my room is finished. I'm buying a lock for my door. I told pop, and he's like, "No you're not. I'll knock from now on." Umm... how many times has he said that before? Ugh. But yeah, last night I slept in the living room and I was so ready to cry. Danielle and I were texting and I was watching AMC, so that helped a bit. ;sighs;

I've got so much I need to talk about, but two problems. First, whenever I go to type it or whatever, no words come out. Second, there's nobody to talk to it about. The only person I trust enough to tell, has too many problems of their own. That starts off a whole other problem I have. There are times when I'll go on and on and on about whatever's bothering me, but other times (most of the time) I don't open up. Everyone else has too many problems of their own to deal with my petty ones. Oh, and also, not too long ago I was told by several people that I'm either "faking" all my problems, and/or I'm just talking about them to get attention.

Ugh. There's twenty minuets left, and I should start the project... but nah lol. For the first time, I'm actually excited about the weekend for a reason besides sleep. Momma and I are going shopping either tomorrow or Sunday. I'm going to try and get her to go both nights, because I want to go to Emerald Square & Westgate... mainly Westgate only for AC Moore lol. Oo. I got 25$ from my aunt, so I think I'll buy more blank CDs. They're only $15 for thirty of them, but there's a ten dollar rebate so yeah.

And yeah this is a wicked long entry... sorry y'all. 1984 is actually turning out to be a good book. When I stay awake long enough to listen =p Ooo! Yay! That reminds me I get to get books this weekend. I just wish there was a Starbucks at Boarders, but oh well. Oo I'm so getting hot cocoa when I get home. And I'm gonna beg to go to Wendy's and Shaws. I want me some chicken, fries, a frosty & chocolate grams.

I got to play with Meghan & Liam today. We only had four babies so that was good. Lilly & Sophie slept for most of the class so yeah. Wasn't too bad. Lol. I went to hand Liam over to Kristina for his diaper change, and he was clinging to me. =) [sorry to interupt, but some chick is totally dissin Ashlee because of the Orange Bowl thing. Grr! If it were Kelly I'd go beat her lol. Not that I don't love Ash... just not that much.] But yeah. Meghan woke up from a twenty-five minuet nap, so Mrs. Philips asked me to put her back down, but she kept crying. Amy was putting Lilly down and she told me that Meghan never sleps more than like thirty minuets anyways, so I started playing with Meghan. I was tickling her legs and she was giggling =) Hey, a happy awake baby is better then a sad asleep one right?

Alright woop! Finally time to go! ♥ y'all!
Current Mood: moody

3rd January 2005

10:45pm: [ Call Out The Paparazzi And The Television Crews ]
She took the blue right out of their cynical eyes
"It's all in what you feel inside"

Today has been crazy! I'm like dying though ugh. I hate vacations for the sole purpose that they fuck up my sleep schedual. I couldn't get to sleep last night till like 3 so bleck. But we've done nothing today anyway so it's alright. Lets see, in history we did two worksheets and tomorrow we're watching a movie. I'm getting an A- in that class, but that's not including the essay which I still haven't done so bleck. Oo and the map assignment that was due today, is actually due tomorrow so wee cause I didn't do it! Ha.

"I've got a map! I've also gotta dolla!"

Sorry... talking about maps reminded me of that ha. But yeah. I walked into infant and the first thing I hear is Hayden screaming my name. I was so happy! But yeah, Maura, Meagan, Kristina, and Mrs. Phillips went for a walk, so McKenzie and I stayed back and cleaned. Wee. After, I helped put Ben down and Maura actually talked civil to me... she's still a bitch though.

Oo during lunch Shannon gave me a late Christmas present of pink socks. They're cute. Annd! They came in polka dot tissue paper! Hehe

Eww. English was hell. We started reading 1984 and yeah. I deffanitly slept all class. Then I daydreamed during Psych cause we're watching Kramer Vs. Kramer Whatever. It's not work lol.

But yeah... so I came home and talked to Danielle then went upstairs and slept, and now I'm here doing this lol.

Ugh I was so bored during English and wanted to write, so I started to, but all I got out were four lines. They suck and it's so cliche or whatever that word is, but yeah. Here it is so far...

Broken and Shattered.
Bruised and Betrayaed.
Slowly I spin,
Faster and faster.

And yeah lol. Emily wanted pictures so I guess I'll leave y'all with some lovely pictures of me from my new camera. Bleck. Avert your eyes if you'd like.

Icky, Ugly MeCollapse )
Current Mood: sick

1st January 2005

3:19am: [ I Feel 40 Kinds Of Sadness When You're Gone ]
When you're outside of my world
No sounds singing me to sleep

Hehe today kicked ass. I woke up at like 12:30 and got ready, then grams came at 2 and we went with pop to Staples. I got my camera! Wee! I also got a memory card, battery charger and case. After that we went to Radio Shack and pop talked to them about my DVD player cause it like plays the movie, but you can only hear it... no picture. I guess I'm getting a new one.

We stoped at this store place and I got Ring Dings, Funny Bones and chips for my momma. I walked over to her work, but she had already left, so grams dropped pop and I at home. Momma was here and we left for the mall so she could get a purse at Kohls.

After she got her purse, we went to Barnes & Nobels cause my gramps got me a 25$ gift card to Borders and I wanted to know what I was gonna get. I decided on the first 2 Gossip Girl books and Flipped cause Cici is actually reading it lol. So it must be good. But then we went to Starbucks and I got a hot chocolate!! I am addicted to Starbucks now! Hehe.

So we come home and all get into comfy jammies then go to my aunt's house. We had Chinese food & did a grab bag thing (boooring) then we each got like two more gifts. I got 50$ from my gramma, socks and two shirts. I've got to return the shirts though cause they're a large and will be waaaay too small so blah. They're cute too. But momma and I are going shopping and to lunch next Saturday so it's alright.

After that we just kind of hung out. I took like fifty pictures on my camera, and I'll post some of them soon. I've got to wait for pop to load the program onto my new computer, then I've got to load them all onto a disk so bleck.

We came home at 11:30 and I got online to see Cici's little burning of the list of bad things thing, so I hurried my ass and wrote stuff down, grabbed my phone and went upstairs. I burned the paper and dropped it in some cold water in the sink, but only half the paper burned... don't know if thats good or bad =/

But after I called Danielle and I love that chick =) I came back downstairs and rped with Livv and yeah. There weren't any fights this year, so I'm hoping and praying that means this year will be better then last. I can't deal with anything worse than last year.

But yeah... imma stop ranting since it's three in the morning and I should probably go sleep. Happy New Year!!! I hope y'all have a wonderful year and every one of your dreams, wishes and prayers are answered.
Current Mood: awake
12:54am: [ 2oo5... Here We Come ]
Happy New Year y'all. I'm praying to God this year ain't as fucked as last year. I know I'm a bit late.. but here's my recape of 'o4.

2oo4 A Year To ForgetCollapse )
Current Mood: Trying To Be Optimistic

31st December 2004

2:15am: [ I'm A Hip-Hop Queen, A Rock -n- Roll Dream ]
I wish the world would just spin faster,
Get to my happy ever after.

Creepy dream last night. It was momma and I and we were on some ride thing. It was this boat in the water in a dark tunnel, and they were snakes everywhere. I somehow got in the water and was drowning then woke up =/ Creeeeepy lol.

Eww! I deffanitly woke up at 10. Wtf wakes up at 10 am during vacation. Jesus lol. But yeah. I woke up and came downstairs and did like nothing online, so went back upstairs at 11:30 and painted.

I got one more wall done, 3/4 of the nightstand and 7 stick things lol. So woo! It's almost done!!! I am so happy. And my moto of the day is if you want something done, do it your fucking self.

So I come back down at 2 and Tembre and I rp! Wee. Annnnd miss Olivia got online =D 'Cept I was getting all sad, wanting Danielle to help me, but she was out having fun so that made me happy. I would go into the whole story... but I'm trying to be happy.

I went upstairs at about 6:30 and painted some more while I watched King Of The Hill (mad good show) then I made eggs and they're yummy =)

Later loves!
Current Mood: optimistic

10th December 2004

3:49pm: [ Talk About Cozy! ]
Ask my why I am making a livejournal? I do not have an answer because I do not know lol. Kristina's got one so that's one of the reasons. Also there are a few people on here who kick ass as making icons so yeah =) Umm... yeah. So I'm going to keep this public for now since I have no friends. But if any of y'all wanna be my friend, comment? Or IM me at melysa x anne. Or if you've got a GJ I'd love to become you're friend over there so PM me or leave a comment on my friends only post. My name over there is for_gotten. I think that's all for now... so I'll talk to y'all later. Bye loves.

Oh... and if any of y'all know the mood theme and/or layout codes please tell me! Lol. Bye =)
Current Mood: cold
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